Some days, my identity lies in being an ever-growing first time mama. Other days, I’m just a free-spirited musician. Not that I’m exactly trying, but I tend to separate and compartmentalize the two identities pretty well. But sometimes it’s hard to do, especially when the two worlds come crashing together like they did this past Friday.
I had my 33 week sonogram in the morning, and then had my last gig before the baby comes that night. It was interesting shifting gears like that, but I guess it’s something I’m going to have to get used to.
It was a bitter sweet day for sure. I have never, in 20 years, NOT had a gig for 3 solid months. I have to admit it is a very hard thing for me to even think about, and must also admit I have specifically tried not to let my mind dwell on it, or my hormones get the best of me. It’s especially hard because I FINALLY have my own group together, and we are just starting to really gel. I really feel like we could step it up in the next year and really get somewhere. Of course, I have this sort of forced hiatus coming up… but I suppose I could use the time to my advantage. Start booking now for late summer and fall and come back more focused than ever.
On the mama front, it’s just all unexplored territory, so I don’t even know what to think. Before I got pregnant, I actually said out loud- “Ok, whatever little soul comes down to be my child better be ready to just go along for the ride. This is not going to be normal.” So, hopefully Patrick will just be cool. haha… Of course, I realize that once I have him, it will be hard to leave him for the evening, but at least it will be for something I love to do.
Friday’s gig was great. It wasn’t the biggest crowd we’ve played for, but every person in there was having a great time. So many people had such nice things to say. It was a good “going away for now” gig. Not too much pressure- minus the camera man in my face for an entire set- documenting the 8 month pregnant chick singing songs like “Possum Kingdom”, “Just Dance” and “Killin’ in the Name Of”. It was a great night for cutting loose and just going for it. We did many songs we’ve never tried before… which is one of my favorite things to do in life. It’s better than a thrill ride.
It’s surprising to me how much stronger my voice feels. I feel like I have no limitations. I can go as high as a want, as strong or softly as want, whenever I want. My range has grown. This goes against every single thing I’ve read about pregnancy and singing. I just hope that I keep it after the pregnancy! I’m hoping that all the compensating I’ve had to do breathing wise will make me that much stronger later. I’m also kind of hoping it will help me in the delivery room! (Eeeek.)
As the big day approaches, I wonder how this is all going to work out. I know deep down it WILL all work out and that all of this may be the thing I need to really push me in the music world. Nothing like a little mouth to feed for inspiration to get serious. I’m such a creature of habit, it’s hard to look past the hurdles and just envision the prize. That’s what I’ve been working on the most- just getting myself in the right mindset to positively move towards putting all my energies into being a good new mom and a serious musician.